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A collection of rants, mostly about relationships and my various emotional problems
That's what you get when I'm alone. November 20, 2005 - 10:16:36
It's been a month now since Sean and I broke up. Last night as I was trying to fall asleep I got feelings of missing him. Maybe it's the fact that it was the first night I'd slept alone in four days, and I've just been seeking another's embrace for solace all this time. I don't really think so, because I don't feel like I did a month gone past last time around. I read over my lj entries the month following both breakups, and I think I've really been much happier this time around compared to the first. When it first happened, I'd act in a similar manner (not quite as fast, maybe), but still missed him terribly. There was plenty of Sean ANGST then, and although I have mentioned him frequently in my lj, it's not the same. I've felt more at peace with everything this month than I ever did last time. I guess it has to do with the fact that I was still very much in love with him the first time we broke up, but that wasn't the case this time around. It still hurts if I think abouyt how much I hurt him, but I really don't feel the chest wrenching terror of being apart from him. All this tells me is that I'm not quite over him yet. As much as I've been doing better, and acting like I'm already in another relationship, I've still got a bit of healing to do. I don't think I'll know whether I'm completely over him or not until I can be in the same room as him again, and that won't happen for a long, long time, if ever again. I guess there's still a bit of uncertainty now, but it's not the "did I do the right thing" kind, more of a "I have no idea what's going to happen" which is ok. - Kitty |
