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A collection of rants, mostly about relationships and my various emotional problems
More thoughts on all this June 20, 2005 - 21:38:06
I think one big reason I'm having so much trouble letting go is that it was the best relationship I ever had, and for all the problems I was having at the time, it was still a good relationship. People stay in worse off relationships, and make it work. I just feel crappy about not being in a good relationship just because I have some issues. What if I can never get something that good again? If I hadn't had so many different problems apart from him, whatever problems I had with Sean wouldn't have seemed so bad. I think the big problem was that I didn't know what was wrong, so I couldn't talk it over with him to find a solution. I have problems with relationships in general that I need to fix, and I don't know whether I can do that better while in a relationship so I can see what the problems are and actually put a solution to test, or while alone so I have more time to think about how I could do it. There are so many things that I just don't know, and I don't want to walk away from this forever. At school I had many other things to occupy my mind and time, but here I have nothing to do, no one to see, and nothing to think about except not being with him. I do not handle love well at all, at any point. When I first realize I'm falling, I fight and struggle to not love, and want to run. During love I worry about losing it, and don't trust what I feel, and can't believe that something like that would happen in my life. When it ends, I don't give it up, and hold on to those feelings for years, even when I know that it's best to just stop. I've always said that I've been so hurt by love, and here I am hurting it again. Is it any wonder I don't trust it? - Kitty
 Keep your chin up sweety. I sending good vibes your way. If you want to escape come to the "country" and stay with me for a weekend.
You're just human. Most people don't even recognize they have a problem in the first place.
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