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Trae vs. the Spam Robot.
Posted Sep 28, 2006 - 23:58:46

Robot SexSo, occasionally I get messages from obvious spam bots over Instant Message that are clearly trying to get me to visit whatever porn site is being hocked at the moment. Normally, I just instantly block them... but for some reason, I decided to engage one in conversation. Why? Because I'm a masochist. So, this is MOSTLY the whole conversation. A very surreal experience:

nd2gitoff690303: hhi... anyone there?
Traegorn: sure
Traegorn: I'm here.
nd2gitoff690303: well anywqy, guess your not there?
Traegorn: Ah, you're a bot. I get it.
nd2gitoff690303: oh your there :) hi...
nd2gitoff690303: a//s/l (age sex location)?
nd2gitoff690303: im 27/f/USA. was lookin at your profile. thought you jight like to chat.
nd2gitoff690303: bbot? whats that? some kinda insult or something?
nd2gitoff690303: so what have you been up tto traegorn?
Traegorn: Apparently, talking to an automated chat program.
nd2gitoff690303: cool. i was just hangin out watching tv.. i was getting kinda horny :) (*blushes)
Traegorn: Ah, I've never seen silicon blush before.
Traegorn: Does that hurt?
nd2gitoff690303: feel like a little cyyber fun with me ? please please...
nd2gitoff690303: i think ill jjust take that as a yes... being as that im starting to get real horny here.. lol ok?
Traegorn: I once hit myself in the head with a hammer. That was a more enjoyable experience than this conversation.
nd2gitoff690303: alright :) how bout i get down on my knees in front of you andd help you out of your pants?
Traegorn: Dear god no.
Traegorn: I planned on posting this to a family site...
Traegorn: Not a family making site
nd2gitoff690303: tell me what you want me to do with you while i slip out of my pantiies
nd2gitoff690303: oh yeah babe.. dont stop. while i slide my **CENSORED**
Traegorn: OH MY GOD STOP.
nd2gitoff690303: oh it feells so good. Im **CENSORED**
Traegorn: This is very disturbing. I'm going to censor most of this out I think.
nd2gitoff690303: open my websize so you can look at me while im **CENSORED**
Traegorn: People who are reading this chat log, please understand there are parts that I've just downright deleted.
nd2gitoff690303: what do you thinkk of my pics?
Traegorn: I think you're a manufactured and automated program looking to lure really stupid people to a porn site
Traegorn: And boy, must the people this works on be retarded.
Traegorn: Like super retarded.
Traegorn: Like worse than Corky. From Life Goes On.
nd2gitoff690303: shit the phone. dont stopp stroking it. hold on...
Traegorn: I was never "stroking it" you bizarre program. What. The. Hell.
Traegorn: LostChylde9000 makes more sense than this thing.
nd2gitoff690303: oh no not work... thats a 4 letter word you know..
Traegorn: Did I even say work?
Traegorn: I don't know - maybe I did at some point.
Traegorn: Sure, I guess I'm at work.
Traegorn: Why not?
nd2gitoff690303: sorry, I have to take this call, probly take bout five minutes. If you want, come to my page and lets finish this. I have my cam on there cyberfungirls dot com look for me on there
Traegorn: You're a bot. You can't tell.
Traegorn: I will not go to your pay for website of smut.
Traegorn: This is the internet, I could get smut for free.
Traegorn: Ah well, you've run out of preprogrammed things to say. Too bad.

That was a very... strange experience. One of these days I'll get LostChylde9000 running on Yahoo (where most of the spam bots run) and see if we can get one of these spam bots to get into a conversation with it. It would definitely add things I'd never want my bot saying to its vocabulary though...
- Traegorn

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Hah! That was incredibly funny. Thanks very much for sharing this!
I've since searched the net for portions of what the bot said - and it looks like it's a fairly primitive bot (the script is almost identical every time).  What amazes me is how many people don't figure out immediately that it's a bot.  I was suspicious by the greeting, and knew for sure with the second thing it said...

Ah well, there's no accounting for dumb people...

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