This little window into my life often takes a lot of different tones - so to contrast my previous entry (which was effectively light humor), I figured I'd be serious for five minutes here. Recently I've been focusing on the light hearted, the happy... and while it's true that I'm generally happy...
...well, lets face it, as long as everyone I care about is alive and okay, if my belly is full, and if I have a roof over my head - well, then I'm going to be generally happy. So, again, just because I'm generally happy about life doesn't mean that everything's perfect. So, yeah, that's why I try not to angst out in this space ever. It's not that I'm never angsty or unhappy (far from it), I just don't go and publish it to the world.
I'm very selective about my public face. There are degrees to which I'm willing to show myself (and I've always assumed this is not uncommon). First off, there's the very public level. This is what I show to most people, and it's what you'll see on the web most of the time. If all you ever see is that, I can guarantee that you're not getting anywhere near the full story of what I think or how I feel about things. I'm not one of those MySpace/LiveJournal kids who is going to express my deepest thoughts in what is effectively a public area.
...and I've always been of the opinion that you should never be mad or surprised at someone finding something out that you put online. *grin*
So, again, if all you read is my blog - while you might get the mostly full informational picture - you probably are only getting a fraction of the emotional picture. For that sort of thing, you'd actually have to engage me in private conversation.
Now, if people who I only show my public face to have a weird interpretation of who I am, well, frankly I can live with it. That's life, and since they aren't getting the full picture - well - they aren't judging me, they're judging an image which isn't the full story. What's frustrating though is when someone who I have let past my public face, and into the private me, develops a warped image of who I am. It makes me wonder if they ever really knew me in the first place.
I've also been realizing that sometimes the best thing you can do for a person is to not be a part of their life anymore. And while it may not be the best thing for you in your own mind, sometimes, in the grand scheme of things, it might be best for that person if you just bowed out entirely...
...which I think I have to do.
Maybe it's just vanity that I'd rather people remember me the way I want them to, or maybe I just want to find a way to undo some past hurt. Either way, I have to get it out of my head that I can do a damned thing about any of it. I can't, and that's life.
Trae's Final Advice: Life isn't like the movies. You can't always say something to fix everything, there aren't always happy endings, and you aren't the hero of anything. You're just you, living your life, sometimes shit happens, and no matter how much you want to, you can't make everybody happy.
Thus endeth the lesson. More jokes next time, I promise.
I would've assumed that anyone can assuredly discern that there is a large difference between an "online" and "offline" self for...well, pretty much everyone. I'm very curious as to what the cause of such an entry is, but I'll keep my nosy thoughts to myself.
I try to express how I feel through my livejournal, because I don't care to have to explain things eight times to people that I care about, I also choose to use this, because it seems like a much healthier means to me expressing my feelings, rather then taking out my more violent and saddened feelings on myself or people around me.
That being said, I hope that I wasn't a target of the Myspace/ Livejournal kids part. ><