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A collection of rants, mostly about relationships and my various emotional problems
Again, how fun. July 15, 2005 - 2:25:31
What the hell? This is the second day in recent time that I've been curled up in a ball in my room crying my eyes out for no reason. I have a lot of up and down feelings lately, which is just stupid. I consistently feel worthless, stupid, bored, and a waste of time. I don't even know what I'm saying. What's going on with me? Most of the time I'm ok, yet now little things seem to affect my mood drastically. I don't know why I seem to be so suceptible to anything lately, but it needs to fucking stop. I can't have my moods determined by little events that keep switching. I move from giddy to depressed to scared to enraged with little encouragement. How the hell do I regulate my emotions more? It's not really even a matter of a brief feeling, it's that a tiny incident can spark an emotion that lingers for hours, and then explodes in a spatter of some sort of over the top gesture. It might be laughing hysterically, crying hysterically, one of those that turns to the other, breaking everything in sight in a fit of rage, or just deciding that the only way to solve all my problems is to run away from them or slit my wrists just to see the pretty blood inside. I'm very tired but I can't sleep because my mind is racing with half finished thoughts that won't soldify. I'm going to have coffee in 7 1/2 hours with some friends that I likely won't see again for the rest of the summer and I can't make myself care. Pull yourself together, girl, things will look better in the morning. Ok, so maybe all you'll be thinking in the morning is "Why didn't I go to sleep earlier, I'm so TIRED!" but the point is this mood is fleeting. Or not. - Kitty |
