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A collection of rants, mostly about relationships and my various emotional problems
Eros, I stab you! June 9, 2005 - 21:39:59
I really can't let Sean go. I'm listening to the first cd he made me, because I like the songs on it, and I still had to skip "Friday I'm in Love". I guess most of me just thinks this summer will be like last year, with most of June as "I want to date you, but I can't because I have this, this, and this to deal with" and once that's taken care of, bam. Last year I was worried about him still being in love with his ex (which is true this summer, great), that I had unresolved feelings for someone else that (two for two!), and I just wanted to be single so I could have fun with whoever (that one's a bit different). The only thing that's different is that this year I need to figure some basic things about my personality and to just have "me time". The only things I'm worried about at this point are my schedule when I go back to school, and that I haven't had enough time on my own. I'm trying to make myself last all summer, because once I get back to school my schedule won't allow me to give in, but three months is a long time. It might be the proximity that makes me want to be with him, or the lack of anyone else, but I guess I'll figure that out once his competition visits me in a week. FUCKING HELL! Next year will suck, whether I'm dating Sean or not, because I can't fucking date Emery anyway. I'll be way too busy to start a new relationship, but if I rebuild what I had with Sean over the summer I might be able to hold myself together over fall semester. Either way, trying to be just friends with Emery is gonna be really hard. I like him, but there's just no way it can work on a long term thing. I'm just too biased about this. I want to be with Sean to badly I'm thinking in ways that would end up with us back together. Love makes us crazy, and irrational, and stupid. BLEH! - Kitty |
