P.A.P.E.R.C.L.I.P.
State of the Winchester Adress January 28, 2007 - 2:28:16
27 Jan, 2007
My fellow Winchestrians,
Today we stand at a momentous point in the history of our great nation. Moving forward at this point is no longer our desire, it is our need. To this end, we have thouroughly researched the historical logs and have formulated a plan of action that should be a definite means to our ends.
As of late, we have met with several dissapointments. Job satisfaction, average income and overall morale are at all time lows for most Winchestonians, and our foreign relations have been slipping in every concievable aspect.
To improve on these aspects, we have isolated the five main problems in the life of an average Winchesterite:
- My job sucks.
- I spend far too much time dwelling on past mistakes
- Maybe i do drink too much
- I really have no idea what to do with my life
- It would really be nice to have sex again before i die
We have examined each of these points and after weighing the pros and cons, examining the ins and outs, determining the best course of action, as will now be carefully laid out before you.
- The life of a deck seaman is generally very crappy and nobody really is willing to help him get out of it, even though the navy states that it is very easy to strike out of deck. This is clearly a lie, perpetuated by a bunch of jerkoffs. Since we Winchestens are obviously on our own, we took the nessicary steps to put in an application to the Class "A" school for Mass Communications. (MC) This is a job, that based on the little reliable intelligence we have, is very simple to do, and doesn't require standing watch or working ridiculous hours. We believe, that if the application is accepted, the job satisfaction rating will increase greatly.
- It is only natural for one to examine the past, as it is key to who we are today, both as individuals and as a nation. However, when this examination of the past becomes near obsessive and noticiably affects a number of aspects of life, it is only appropriate to step away and focus on the future. In the hard times ahead of us, we must do our best to not reexamine the road that led us here, instead we must pay close attention to the road out of our current predicament.
- Yes, you do.
- Ther will always be considerable doubt in one's life as to what should be made of a life of limited length, and few realistic possiblities. As children we all wanted to grow up to be the Firefighting Astronaut Pirate, but the time has come to accept that we will never be a Firefighting Astronaut Pirate. It is nessicary to nurture the dreams of children, but they all grow up at some point and have to get a real job. To this end, we will begin to study communications again, and this time with a renewed interest in actually making it work. The acceptance of the application to MC "A" school would greatly help this along.
- Recently, we have had very rocky foreign relations. We have been led to believe things that we simply not true. At times such as these, we need to examine what it is that we can resonably expect in future relations and what it is that we need to give and offer to give to make such endevours successful. That being said, As i have no idea how i ever managed to have sex in the first place, i really have no idea how to manage to make it happen again.
In closing, I'd like to say that we are a great people. Facing the obvious and overt problems of today is no more difficult than anything else we have ever accomplised and by drawing strength from our allies, both old and new, we can prevail over any situations as they arise. Oh, and by the way, I'm sending 21,500 troops to Iraq.
Goodnight.
- Winchester
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