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Posted Sep 12, 2011 - 10:08:02

Crysta and I had a great weekend at Geek.kon, and after our mediocre experience at another convention that shall go unnamed a few weeks ago, it was nice to be reminded just how awesome a con can be when it's done right. Like any convention though, it was (as always) a haven for interpersonal drama.

Surprise surprise.

Now, most of the drama at con, to be clear, did not actually involve me. I listened a lot to people effected by it (as frankly I'm curious about the goings on in the lives of my friends), but there is a particular ongoing issue which yet again came to the forefront of my consciousness.

But we need to back track a bit to understand what's going on here.

Back near the beginning of this year, Crysta and I were having a discussion about a friend of ours... who for the sake of this post I will refer to as "Bob." Crysta was mad at Bob for not having done something Bob had promised to do months earlier. I was defending Bob, saying Bob had a lot going on, and I'm sure Bob felt bad about it. I said that I'd talk to Bob for Crysta, and I pulled out my phone to call Bob... only to find Bob's name no longer in my phonebook.

See, my phone syncs my Facebook contacts, and I'd linked Bob's phone number to said Facebook account. Apparently, without notice or explanation... Bob had unfriended me (and indirectly deleted themselves from my phone).

Needless to say, I was shocked. I quickly messaged Bob, asking what the heck had happened. There had been no fight, there had been no dramatic falling out... things had been fine, and then *poof* - one of my closest friends had suddenly decided I was persona non grata.

Bob's response was, for lack of a better word, puzzling. Apparently I had taken my friendship with Bob for granted, and hadn't been contacting Bob enough. In essence, I hadn't called Bob or tried to hang out enough. Bob complained that I hadn't tried to hang out with Bob enough at certain events we'd both been at (one of which, Crysta and I had actually asked Bob to join us for a meal and Bob turned us down - but whatever).

Now, I don't know if that's the real reason, but that's the reason Bob gave me. I responded saying of course I didn't take Bob for granted, and I was sorry if I had made Bob feel that way. I had frankly talked to Bob more often than I had some of my own family members (and frankly, I like my family members quite a bit), as I'm not a huge fan of talking on the phone... but whatever. At No Brand Con this year, I had some limited - friendly - contact. I tried to reach out and re-friend Bob on Facebook...

...and I got ignored for quite some time. So long in fact, that I got sick of seeing Bob's Facebook updates in my feed as a constant reminder (as Facebook includes in your newsfeed the updates of anyone you friend whether they respond to your request or not), and rescinded the request a couple of weeks ago.

So that's the background.

So Crysta and I go to Geek.kon, and we know Bob is going to be there. For the most part we successfully avoid Bob for the weekend. Unfortunately, on Saturday night, Bob entered a room where Crysta and I were hanging out, and made a B-line to specifically talk to a person we had been having a conversation with. This was... exceptionally awkward... and so we kind of froze in the headlights and sort of just tried to pretend Bob wasn't there.

Mature? Maybe not, but it had been a long day, and I wasn't really able to think on my feet.

Frankly, throughout all of this, even though I have apologized (as that was literally the first thing I did once I got an explanation), I've been quite hurt myself. This person had been one of my closest friends, and rather than say "I don't think you've been trying to hang out with me/call me/whatever" and try to fix the perceived issue, Bob decided to just disappear and declare us no longer friends. There is a point where I just end up exhausted by it all, and am tired of having to be the one responsible to mend bridges I didn't actually burn myself.

Maybe that's why I wrote a song about all this crap a few month ago.

So that's about it. If Bob approached me, and actually talked to me about this, I'd be more than happy to engage. But until that happens, this is where the story is ending apparently. Sorry if this entry sounds all whiny, and I don't want the entry to sound passive aggressive by my having greeked Bob's identity. Frankly, we travel in some of the same con circles, and I wanted to vent without people feeling like they have to take a side though.

If anyone claims the interpersonal drama in UnCONventional isn't related to con staffing though, they clearly haven't had the same experiences I have.
- Traegorn

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