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No One Is Unflappable
Posted May 28, 2010 - 10:08:13

Map of LiechtensteinThe last few days I've been trying to get a handle on a few things. You won't have probably seen it publicly, but I've been rather down lately. Only part of it has been because Crysta is (at the moment) 500 miles away from me. See, no matter how wrong you think someone is, no matter how bull headed they are -- it always hurts when someone says "no one likes you."

For those of you who don't want me to dig back into that ridiculous situation, I'm sorry. I'll try to be brief.

Having random hatred spewed at me effects me more than I often let on. It's exceptionally easy to lose perspective temporarily and end up filled with self doubt when attacked like that. I think most of us take for granted how easy it is to be knocked from our comfort zone when things like this happen, and how fragile most people's sense of confidence really is.

It's not the first time it's happened, and it likely won't be the last. Hell, I can't even begin to count the number of times I've written about it in this blog. The fact that I have a standard set of images I only drag out when this sort of thing occurs should tell you something.

But in all cases, it's never someone who I count amongst my close friends who is ths source of these accustations and criticisms. Don't get me wrong, my friends don't have a problem telling me when they think I'm doing something wrong. These are not people who are intimidated or scared by me. In fact, I'm fairly certain that the most common response to someone saying I'm intimidating from those I count as close friends is usually laughter.

Lots and lots of laughter.

The people who would lob statements like "no one likes you" at me though are generally people who are not close friends at all, merely "outer circle" friends or social acquaintances. Never has it come from someone who I actually believed knew me all that well beyond the barest surface of my social persona.

But none the less, it still effects me. The self doubt kicks in, as does the worry. I don't know what aspect of my psychology is so insecure that my self confidence can be so shaken by someone who I myself believe doesn't know me that well, but it exists regardless. It's been over a week since I was attacked in text form, but with so much going on I've only really began to emotionally process this whole thing now.

What I need to do is just let myself move past this. This didn't come from anyone who I held in high regard, nor did it come from anyone whose respect I rely on to believe myself competant.

In truth, none of us are really unflappable no matter how much we like to think we are. We're all capable of being hurt regardless of the source of aggression, and this sort of thing can ruin pretty much anyone's day.

And that's really the last I have to say about the subject.
- Traegorn

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Ironically, I'm get a lot of hate like that and yes some days it hurts a lot so I understand. But then there are other days where I welcome it because I'm weird like that.

But anyways. Did you get hate from Liechtenstein? Okay I'll admit I did some quick research to try to appear smart in knowing what tiny little nation exists between Switzerland and Austria.
The Liechtenstein map is a reference to a similar situation from 2004.

Like I said, I have standard images I use when I post these kinds of things.  I post the picture with Japanese text and the guy with the chainsaw-sword when I'm mad, and I use Liechtenstein when I'm being introspective.
Huh in the few times I've been in conversation range (not "Oh that's Trae up on the stage") you've always seemed like a pretty decent guy, hearing "No one likes you" is just...odd.  IN fact in this debacle I'd side with you on the single fact that you didn't go all rage-fueled 12-year old like whoever the other guy was (and yes I still have no idea wtf is the story behind that nor is it any of my interest to find out).
I knew it was Lichtenstein, but of course I was around for the original debacle.

I used to think it was funny that people thought you were trying to take over. Now I can't believe people still think that. The best revenge is always to just live a good life. You're getting married soon to someone who loves (and more importantly LIKES) you and finally moving on from WI. Find good things in Indiana, and I will see you in a month.
Hey Trae... Your feelings were hurt?

That is all I was looking for. My job here is done. From here on out it will be spoken of no more.

Trae I just hope you learned something from all of this, and I hope someday we can be mutually positive acquaintances again.

So, here I go. I am sorry for attacking you - but I deeply feel that you needed it. I am glad that you were able to take a step back and look at what is going on in your life.

I hope the best for you in Indiana, and I hope you and Crysta have a good life together.

I am putting this to rest.
So wait... your entire goal was to hurt my feelings?

I cannot begin to explain how big of an arrogant tool that makes you.
(Also, did you notice how this whole post was about how your criticisms were baseless and that you didn't really know me at all?  Yeah, you kind of missed the point)
I don't get how 'that guy' can say things like "it will be spoken of no more" and "I am putting this to rest," but then talk about it on a certain forum.
Having now read an earlier entry I caught the notion that you "alienate new staff".  To this I thought I should tell you that when I first joined you were one of the most welcoming and helpful.  I don't know that I've outright said that before.
..... ..... .... .... someone here is being a complete baka..and its not Trae at this point.
The other guy is upset apparently at a private post to Trae that Trae made public and thus (as the final straw) sees that Trae needs to learn some humility.

To start off, I don't believe either is really right in their actions. On one end, yeah Trae shouldn't have made public what was private without due permission (I don't know the contents of the material so that could definitely be A LOT WORSE than I'm thinking it is). On the other hand "that guy" maybe should have tried to bring this to your attention in a softer way before resorting to broken feelings.

Either way, Trae just from reading how you responding to "That Guy"'s apology you do need to work on humility. Yeah trying to hurt people's feelings isn't a nice thing to do, but at the same time showing that your blog post wasn't very sincere implies a great deal more of arrogance than a sincere apology.

How so? Well, it looks like you're talking out of both sides of your mouth and that you're not being sorry but using sorrow as the means to convey a message. Which shows no remorse and makes you look arrogant. Putting it more directly it's like the guy who kills someone, says "I'm sorry" while on trial but the second he's pronounced not guilty he says to the face of the spouse of the murdered person "HA! I WAS the Murderer! And there's nothing you can do to me now!".

In conclusion, Trae I respectfully ask that you work on your humility.
1. I didn't make his messages public, I paraphrased the gist of them.  Trust me when I say his actual messages to me were much harsher.

2. He didn't apologize.  He said "So, here I go. I am sorry for attacking you - but I deeply feel that you needed it."  That's not an apology.  You can't claim to be apologizing and yet say you don't regret anything.

So, "Referee" I recommend that you learn more about a situation before inserting yourself into it.
(Also, I've never said I was sorry -- As far as I'm concerned this is what happened:
  1. I received a couple of attack ridden private messages.
  2. I wrote a blog entry about them.
  3. The other person got even angrier.
  4. I wrote a second blog entry about how confidence can be shaken.
  5. The other person posted an "apology" and talked about how he felt good about hurting my feelings.
That is all that's occurred.)
You know, Traegorn , sometimes you try *so* hard to justify yourself / prove to people just how right you are. I used to do the same thing when I was a teenager. And when you just keep going on and on like you do I eventually don't even care whether you're "right" or "justified" anymore, no matter how much quoted evidence you provide.

Have you ever watched "Kitchen Nightmares"? The restaurant owners spend so much time trying to tell Ramsey how great of a job they've been doing and how they have customers every night that tell them how great they are. And every time Ramsey says something thats wrong with the place they just fight back with something they're doing oh so well.

Im not saying you're a near-bankrupt restaurant but its the same kind of reaction, in my opinion. Its a natural reaction, IMO, because people want others "on their side." They don't want people to think they're the bad guy. But sometimes you really just have to let it go.

I was actually really surprised to see this entry and I thought much better of you. It sounds like there's been a lot of changes and stress in your life lately. But this other person apologized, all be it a bit snarkily, and you're instantly on the attack, trying again to prove to everyone just how justified you are, just how much we should "be on your side."

The last thing I want to mention is that its the freaking internet. It isn't worth taking so seriously, at least not all the time.
Trae, honestly you could have just let it all go instead of dragging this on and polarizing people.
1. "Annoyed TRH Reader" is "That Guy" using a different name according to the IP addresses.  I have since begun to wonder WHY he's spending the time to go to my website this often if he doesn't like me so much, but whatever.

2. To "Anonymous"  -- the only "apology" I ever got was in response to this post, and it's not an actual apology, but a backhanded self justification.  And secondly, when someone you know from real life says something, it doesn't matter if it's over the internet, over the phone or in person -- it is one person communicating with another.  I'm not "trying so hard to justify myself" -- I'm saying "That Guy's" statements are bull, and that I need to not let myself be hurt by them.  I wonder if you've even READ what I wrote.

I'm turning off anonymous comments again.  From now on, if someone wants to post something, they'll have to put a name on it.  If people want to let it drop, they should let it drop themselves.
1. I didn't really care about whether or not you made his comments public. That's irrelevant to my point.

2. Technically that's an apology, yes a weakhearted one but one none-the-less.

3. The summarized outline you posted probably has something left out. What I was trying to say was that more than likely a series of things has annoyed "That Guy" and that was the final straw or "tipping point".

4. "I'm saying "That Guy's" statements are bull, and that I need to not let myself be hurt by them.  I wonder if you've even READ what I wrote."

But you just did let yourself get hurt by them and are becoming angrier as more and more people try to reason with you. You can't please everyone, get over it.

As you argue with more and more people who try to spark that epiphany that'll teach you something, you're getting more and more pissed off and your arrogance is become more and more apparent.

To be perfectly clear, I do not care that he may or may not have been unjustified in what he said. The appropriate response may have been to ask him what's wrong rather than to scream to the world that something has gone wrong in your life. However, because you are being so full of yourself the idea doesn't occur to you so you start a flamewar in your own comments section instead. The whole point EVERYONE is trying to make is that you are just a little bit too arrogant. I tried to calmly let you know "hey these are my unbiased thoughts" but it's very clear that you can't listen to something that isn't harsh. THIS WOULD BE THE REASON WHY HE TRIED TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS. YOU NEED TO BE SHOCKED TO WAKE UP SO HE SHOCKED YOU TO TRY AND HELP YOU BETTER YOURSELF. IN THE END "THAT GUY" IS ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU BECOME A BETTER PERSON!!!

p.s. :P I'm still anonymous now aren't I?
Dude, "Referee", have you even met me?  I doubt that you have.  You judge me without knowing me at all.

If I started demanding something about you that was untrue on your own site, you would likely defend yourself as well.
No I haven't met you, but I can very easily tell you are arrogant through your reactions.

But to answer your question, that is incorrect. If I was attacked on my own site I would ignore it or delete their comment if I had the power to do so. However, I doubt I really would take the time to bother responding xD.
I'm sitting here trying to decide wether to laugh my head off or be pissed off.
Referee if what your last post said is true then why the heck do you care what Trae says? Also you do realize this goes deeper than Trae's personal site. It deals heavily with another organization entirely which is where this whole thing started. Seriously why are you even involved in this discussion?
Eh, "Referee" is like 17.  I wouldn't put too much thought into anything he said. :P
1. How do you know my age, two did I ever say you could release that information? This is the exact shit we're talking about here...

2. I actually didn't care until he said my age. I also am a little annoyed that he disregards my comments because of my age. It's apparent though that a 17 year old has more maturity and patience than the blogger who's feelings were hurt.

Going back to why I don't care for what he said. I don't care for what he said, but I care less for arrogant people... So in conclusion I involved myself because I'd like to rid the American stereotype that we are arrogant. You may not have heard this, but hey... I've been abroad and its a pretty strongly held stereotype. So please, for the sake of America become a little bit more humble?

Kthxbai,

Referee

P.s. (My name is referee because that's my hobby, not because I was self proclaiming myself to be the referee of the argument, and I know you didn't say it directly but its apparently implied that you thought this).
Dude, you tried to friend me on facebook.  Your age is right there, on a public page.

Since when was it considered wrong to release publicly known information?
Question... When did I try to friend you on facebook?...

Oh yeah nvm, I thought by blog he meant facebook status, but then I found your actual blog...

But still, if they find it on facebook then that's fine. However, I don't need any more places for that to be found. So hence what I'm talking about.

So really dude, are you gonna learn to ask people about posting their private stuff or are you just gonna piss off people for the rest of your life. Truthfully, I really don't care too much about people knowing my age (but it was a damn good example) and well like in the case of "that guy" it will piss people off. Right NOW it might not effect you all that much, but I would be willing to bet you on it that if you don't learn to respect people's private information soon that it will effect you on a much greater level than personally.

You don't have to consider my thoughts if you don't want, all I'm just saying is I'd rather have one less arrogant person in the world and that respecting people's private information is a good start that hopefully act as a catalyst to making you a better person.

Have a nice day.
Dude, you really don't know what's going on, do you.  I actually never "revealed anything private."  If someone says "Hey, you're an asshole!" and you say "Hey, someone called me an asshole!" that's not revealing private information.

Especially when I've gone through great pains to conceal the identity of the attacker for reasons now surpassing understanding.
You have a point...

But I still don't appreciate you posting my age.
Considering I was only guessing who you were, you totally could have denied it.
I don't care if you know who I am... I know you're not THAT kind of a bad  person. I mean don't get me wrong, your arrogant (this still isn't based off of your blog post this opinion is based off of reactions to other comments) but you don't do the kinda of creepy things the internet (*4chan*) is known to contain.

Moving along, I'm sincerely caring less and less as your not learning anything. If you don't want to learn and just would like to remain arrogant that's fine.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHO IS RIGHT OR WRONG! IT HAS TO DO WITH HOW YOU REACTED.

You probably are correct, the comments you received weren't warranted. However, as far as humility is concerned I see very little to none in you.

The more you just try to dismember my point the more you prove it, to be a little more direct a humble person would just be like "Sorry" and not care at all (doesn't have to be sincere "sorry" either... just has to look sincere) and well you pretty thoroughly demonstrated the actions of arrogance. (In case it's not clear: going to the extreme to make sure you are ALWAYS RIGHT and THEY ARE ALWAYS WRONG.)

A great start would be to pick your battles. Was it really worth it to argue with me, a 17 year old, over something this trivial? As a full grown adult, I'd assume you'd have better things to do so probably not. Yet you did it anyway, you could say the same to me but I have a reason for picking this battle which would be because I really would like to improve America's image.

Another thing you could do to try and learn how to cope with people slurring insults at you constantly is to become a referee... SERIOUSLY! When you referee you learn quickly to filter out swearing or else you'll be consumed by what people call you. So hey, give it a shot. Pick your favorite sport and see if there are any referee programs and if you have the time on the weekends to do it.

Again though, these are just my suggestions you don't have to follow them if you don't want. You can remain being an arrogant person, that's fine your life is yours do with it as you will I won't stop you. Simply put, the teacher has tried to teach the student but the student has become unteachable and thus gave up.

(Yoda accent) so... Which path choosing will you? Path of humilty or path of arrogance choices, difficult they are. Luck, I wish you best of. Best try, please give.
One last thing I wanted to say. The other reason why I cared so much about this wasn't just because of America's image. The other reason really was because I can really relate to why you reacted the way you did.

You see, when I was a freshman and sophomore I acted and reacted EXACTLY LIKE YOU DO TODAY. I don't even have to know you to detect it, it's very obvious simply because I HAVE been in that kind of situation before. The one thing that opened my eyes was when I went abroad to Costa Rica for a week. When I returned to the U.S. the reverse culture shock contracted a lot of situations like you describe and well helped me mature a lot. I feel for you for what you are going through right now, but the only thing I can't be sure of is if I really got to you or not. If I did then well hopefully you'll open your mind a little more down the road. If I didn't well, that's rather unfortunate.

So really what I'm trying to say is, the reason I involved myself and let myself become a part of this argument was because I noticed this and thus had a personal attachment. You're probably thinking right now "Oh what utter BS this guy is feeding me... GTFO!" but that's the truth. Take or leave it. I only intervened because I cared.
1. I have no tolerance for those who say they are sorry and don't mean it.  I would be a hypocrite if I did so myself.

2. I do not fear conflict nor do I appease people for the sake of avoiding it.

3. Defending your position isn't arrogance, it's human nature.  While one must always be willing to accept new information, always backing down regardless of the source or validity of the information is called being a doormat, not being mature.




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