So hardly a day goes by that someone doesn't walk up to me and say "Trae, how do I get to be as awesome as you?" Okay, so they don't really say it, but I can see that they're thinking it in their eyes.
That probably means that they're thinking it in their brains too.
So, I decided that for today's installment I would help you guys out, and teach you how to be as awesome as me! Don't you want to be awesome? I bet you do. So, with that in mind, I will begin "Trae's Guide to Being Awesome!"
1. Think Awesome Things Every day, you should be thinking about stuff that's awesome. This could be as simple as imagining what it would be like to fight a giant robot with a fish, or what would happen if Former Bears' Coach Mike Ditka wrestled an Aligator. Awesome thoughts will keep you open to any pure awesomeness that ACTUALLY happens around you.
2. (Ironically) Don't Drink Alcohol Okay, so that isn't a requirement, but remember that Glenn Danzig and Mark Trail don't drink -- and they're both pretty awesome. Sure, one is fictional, but the other is Glenn Danzig. He counts for like, six people. Seriously, have you seen his book collection?
3. Be awesome to squirrels! Being awesome to squirrels is easy: Don't hit them with your car. It's also good advice because they're less likely to maul you to death when the great squirrel rebellion comes.
4. Don't be afraid to look stupid. I recommend dancing around like an idiot whenever possible. Why? Truly awesome people have no shame, so there's no good reason not to dance around like an idiot.
5. Don't conscript people into your "memes." I'm going to an Anime convention, and I will likely be surrounded by people doing things that they got off the internet and think are therefore cool. Now, number 4 says this is just fine. Go ahead, dance like an idiot! That can be awesome! But when your meme involves interrupting other people's fun or telling them they HAVE to participate? That is the antithesis of awesome.
6. Be Trae. This is what helps at being the most awesome of all. I mean, seriously, being me helps you be about 1000% more awesome than you could possibly know!
So I hope that helps you guys out in your quest to achieving your dreams of being awesome. Also, that squirrel one is important. The squirrels are planning something, I know it, and when they choose to attack... trust me when I say you want to be on the side of the squirrels and their allies. Those guys are vicious.