I haven't written much lately, and while I've attempted to apologize for this in the past, there's not much more to say on the matter other than "I shall try to update this more often." It's about as far as I'm willing to promise today.
People who have known me a long time understand that I am not a person who comes to hatred easily. And when I say hate, I mean true hate. It wasn't until my twenties that I really learned what this emotion felt like, and if you've never felt it... then I envy you. It's a poison I often wish I knew how to be rid of.
This isn't news to those closest to me, and the number of people who actually evoke such darkness in me is small. Over the years I have attempted to let go of this, and I find that it's nearly impossible.
Or so I thought.
Last night I had a dream. A dream in which I saw this person and talked. The conversation in the dream wasn't long, rather unimporant, and frankly I wanted it to end quickly. But when I awoke and thought back to the dream... rather than the cold bitter feeling that usually swept me when I think of this person... I felt nothing.
For the first time I felt absolutely nothing about this person.
It's an amazing liberation, this freedom. The bitterness is gone, released into the wind and drained from me. Now, I will still never trust said person again in my life, and honestly never wish to be in the same room with said person again either.
But now, rather than rage, I feel pity towards them. I've let go of my own pain entirely on the matter, and am no longer a prisoner of it.
You have no idea how much I hoped this day would come.