I know that I claimed that I wasn't going to get all introspective on everyone this year, but lo and behold, here I am, doing it anyways.
Originally, I had an entirely different entry here, but I deleted it. I tried coming up with six different ways to write the same thing, and find a way to make sure it wouldn't evoke the same reaction... but I couldn't. It's like the friggin' Kobayashi Maru test. But I guess the only way to succeed in the no-win scenario is quite simple: choose not to enter into it. So, entry deleted.
On the upside, now that my job seems to be running in full swing, I realize that I actually enjoy it quite a lot. I think that the reason I like it so much though might have to do with the fact that with all of the stuff in my life that's in chaos, that there's a place where not only do I have full control over the situation, but I understand all of the variables. It's just nice to have a place in my life where there is a level of understandable order.
It's like uber-effective Trae therapy.
I think that without it right now, I'd probably be a lot more lost and a lot more depressed. Instead, I'm just mildly freaked out on occasion, and manageably decent on an emotional level. Such is life though, and the doldrums of existence.
I'll admit it, I'm a person who likes order and regularity. I'm a person who falls into habits and patterns, and frankly, I need some level of regularity and order in my life to be happy. And lately, a lot of that hasn't really existed for me, and so I'm realizing that I'm going to have to rebuild that myself.
No one is responsible for taking care of me other than me. I've known that for a very long time, but apparently I've been falling behind on the job. So, I need to put this car back in drive and start moving forward again - because no one else is going to.
Wow, that sounds a lot more angsty out loud than it did in my head. Things really aren't all that bad - nor am I really trying to be that dramatic. It's just life.
I've edited the front page a little, you'll notice another box between my current entry and the Forum quickview - and that is a Vlog box. It's just a listing of my video entries for anyone who might want to find the videos without digging around on the site for them.
I know I promised a karma challenge already, and there will be one for November, but I have to figure out a few things first... and, well, I hadn't bothered to yet.
I'll get to it sometime today or tomorrow... but now I'm going to run some errands.