eyes without a face

 May 12, 2006 - 20:14:30

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ive been thinking a lot lately and talking to some about this, well ive always thought about it since i last went to college. ive been thinking about going back. or at least trying to go back. but i have to be prepared. im on restrictions now. id have to pay for the first six credits, and if i get a B or better in those credits, i would be restored to the full amount of government assistance that i would ordinarily be entitled to. so i would have to save up for that to start off with. im really unsure about myself though... i mean, the first time i went it was for the wrong reason. i didnt find something i liked and could imagine myself doing for the rest of my life. it wouldve been a great career though. really great. i still cant believe i screwed it all up for myself. but i didnt like it. i know i shouldnt let this type of stuff get me down, but its difficult sometimes. normaly id say, well its just another step to where i want to end up. god knows where im at now isnt very supportive. i just pray that i can afford to go back, and when i do to find something that i wont get bored with after a few months. maybe i should go back on add medication. i think id need some help from that. i just dont want to end up moving from job to job and project to project anymore. its frustrating. im still paying off medical bills from the last time i went to the er though (and that was four months ago!) and it was only for a 10 pill prescription and a quick talk with the doctor that was working. i wouldnt let them do any physicals or a rape kit or anything, simply because i couldnt afford it. and it still cost me an arm and a leg. i just dont want to stay where im at. isnt the whole point of life to move forward? unless youre the doctor. then you can go backwards, forwards, and wherever you want in time. if only.
- pinky

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