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A collection of rants, mostly about relationships and my various emotional problems
What the fuck is wrong with you? September 21, 2005 - 0:15:05
"I eat to fill my stomach" No thought to nutrition whatsoever, and not even buying crazy fuck cheap foods, he just eats crap, and when he does buy something good, it goes bad and he leaves it in the fridge for several months before cleaning it. It's not enough to say that he doesn't have enough money to eat properly. If he knew how to have a budget and fucking shop well he could. This brings us back to the subject I always fall on, so I'm going to try to avoid it. It always makes me so mad. The worst thing I think, that he said tonight was that he started to get really full after eating half a pizza, and ate the other half anyway because he didn't want it to go to waste. FUCKING MORON! They have tupperware, and a refridgerator. It's really damn easy to save a few slices of pizza and eat them for breakfast the next day. Idiot, idiot, idiot. I really don't know how he's not dead. His diet is such crap, that he is not getting proper anything. I swear this isn’t just because I’m in a nutrition class, I’ve been worried about this all summer. There keep popping up little things that say we live in different worlds. He really isn't going anywhere, and I have some sort of plan, at least. He really doesn't take care of himself, and I try to do things as I should. I don't always succeed, but I'm far better at that than him. Maybe I have always had everything I needed handed to me whereas he didn't have as much, but at the moment, how much money am I spending? Groceries. He goes and buys movies, cds, comic books every week, and complains about not having enough money for whatever (there we go again). I complain every now and then about school, but that's completely normal, it's school. He's stuck in a stupid job that he can't maneuver around. His schedule is fucked up, and he refuses to really do anything about it. It makes me so mad because there's nothing that can be done to fix this, as he just doesn’t care when you get right to it. It’s so hard being in love with someone that seems to be going in a complete opposite direction. I really don’t know how to handle things. I love him, and I don’t know how I would cope if I lost that again, but as time goes by it just seems less likely that it could last forever. I can’t see how long term things would be best, but also if I start to think about not being with him it feels like my chest is collapsing. I love him so much, but sometimes he really fucking pisses me off. I’m not happy with him, and I’m not happy without him. At least if we’re together he’s happy. That counts for something. - Kitty
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