Hi! I'm Kira! Um, this shall be a public blog!!! YAY!!! <3
kira rants... June 21, 2005 - 21:28:41
I just need to get things out. Don't feel that you have to read. It's a Kira Rant! YAY?
I'm really happy with my life right now. I'm happier than I've ever been. It's summer, it's beautiful. I finally feel as if I can go through life all on my own. No one to depend on. (Like, friend/bf wise). I just realized that I didn't care really today, in the shower. I do a lot of thinking in the shower.
And I actually had a good cry today while doing my thinking in the shower as well.
I always am ME. Since I've moved up to Wisconsin from Mississippi, really, since about freshman year in high school, I stopped caring what everyone thought about me. I was happy just being me. If someone decided to hate me for something, fine. So the saying goes, "It's better to be hated for who you are then to be loved for who you're not." I live by that. If someone doesn't like me, I don't really care.
Well, a little while ago, I got tangled up in a mess with a guy. Turns out almost everything that came out of his mouth to me was a complete lie. I was dumb to trust someone. That goes for my lack of trust lately. But, that's not what I'm getting at. The point is, he lied to me. That doesn't bug me. I forgive. I do that. People shouldn't only get once chance. I don't even care that he's not talking to me anymore, whatsoever. So be it. I was so nice to him, I told him my secrets. I still think he knows me better than anyone I've ever known. Anywhoo...turns out he was not only lying to me, but lying to others ABOUT ME. Telling them that I was something I was not. So, turns out a few people highly dislike me, because they believed him. I mean, if you want to hate me, HATE ME, but not because of what you heard, especially since it's a lie. It's a LIE. I don't care if they hate me, but not because of something that isn't even TRUE!
I usually don't care, but it seems I can't even walk past them, look at them, without thinking they hate me because of this lie. I didn't do anything of the sort. I'd tell the whole story, but, it's something that I'd rather leave unsaid.
I want to tell these people, but chances are it's already so deep in their brains that I'm a horrible person, it won't matter anyway, or they wouldn't believe me. After all, they haven't known me that long anyway.
It just hurts me. After all I've been through.
I'm really nice. I've never done anything to hurt anyone. I'm not the hurting type. I forgive. I love. I mean, if you like me and talk to me, I'd practically do anything for you. I mean, I KNOW I do get rather annoying at times, and maybe even a tad bit too loving, but that doesn't make me bad, does it?
Well, considering in today's world, it might.
It just makes me upset that I've come SO FAR in my life, learning to love myself and not care. But I do care when it's a lie.
It's just still digging at the back of my mind. They think I'm something I'm not.
It makes me hurt.
All I want to do is be friends.
- Kira-lee
Oooh..I've been there before. The guy lied about everythign but his name. I got pissed and then I told his mommy. HA!!!! some people are just like that, and you're better of for learning how to trust someone rather than learning to be the person that people distrust. Where in Mississippi did you live, my family still has a house in Oxford.
Ah. ^^ Well, I would tell his mommy, but I don't know his mommy. I've only met his brother. *shrug* And he's older than me...by a pretty big chunk. But, I just wish he wouldn't spread lies about me. At lesat (I THINK) it's over now...but I have no idea. For as far as I know, he's still spreading lies about me.
Oh, I lived in Mississippi from the time I was in 1st grade (around 1992-1993ish) to the time around the end of freshman year in high school (April 2001) I lived in Vicksburg. My dad's a park ranger so that accounts for huge jumps in moving. (Vicksburg National Military Park in MS) and now Apostle Islands National Lakeshore up in Bayfield, WI. Before that I lived in Yosemitie, CA. It was beautiful, but I was too young to think that at the time, I grew up with medows, mountains, and waterfalls. When I got to the city it was a treat.
I wish I could go back to visit Misssippi, I really loved all the people and the weater. (Haha, I'm not a cold weathered person!!!)
I'm SUCH a hot weather person too!!!
Yeah, I knew this other guy's older brother and I told him and he told his mother. She got pissed! This other guy was spreading lies about me too...and in the long run, it didn't matter because the people he told lies to eventually hated him because if he's telling lies about you then you can be damn sure he will eventually tell lies about them and they will find out. Don't worry, just keep in mind you're the better person. 
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