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Hey Everybody! It's Story Time!
Posted July 10, 2004 - 12:35:48

Marty, and his stupid, stupid hatSo I went to the Doctor yesterday, and it turns out that I have strep. Yeah, fun. Anyways, I'm on an antibiotic now, and should be alright in a few days.

But that's not what I'm going to talk about today. Today I'm going to tell you kids a little story. It's a stream of consciousness that I wrote while writing an e-mail to Erika. Here we go:

The Tale of Marty the Bear

Once upon a time there was a little bear named Marty. Marty had a stupid hat on, and he severely disliked it. Mostly he disliked it because it clashed with his favorite vest, and you know how bears get about their vests.

Anyway, Marty couldn't take off the hat because when he was four years old, he made the mistake of laughing at the Adhesive Fairy while standing in "Stupid Looking Hats R Us," so the Adhesive Fairy had her revenge by gluing a stupid looking hat to his head. For many years, Marty looked like an idiot, and not-too-fashion savvy while wearing his favorite vest.

Then one day, Marty's one and only friend Jacko the squirrel said "You should get the Adhesive Fairy to undo her spell!"

Marty looked Jacko and said, "You dumb-ass, I ATE the Adhesive Fairy right after she did it to me!"

"Such vulgarity! I'm terribly offended!" replied Jacko, with a disgusted expression.

"Shut up," replied Marty. Marty then ate Jacko. "Now I have no friends... oh well, who cares."

But talking with his lunch had given Marty an idea. Marty realized that he could go to the Fashion Fairy, and get her to change the hat glued to his head into one that would match his favorite vest.

So Marty began his journey, making many new friends (and eating them) along the way. Until, finally, after many days of travel, Marty arrived at the house of the Fashion Fairy. He knocked at the door with anticipation...

"Why hello!" answered the Fashion Fairy, as she opened the door. She was a short, elderly woman, with a pair of stylish cardboard wings glued to her back.

"Fashion Fairy, I have a favor to ask of you," begged Marty.

"Oh, what is it, you poor Bear?" asked the Fairy.

"I want you to make this hat match this vest," requested Marty, as he gestured to both his hat and vest.

The Fashion Fairy looked at the clothing long and hard, and finally she said yes. Waving her magic wand, a spell took shape.


Suddenly, Marty saw in his hand that his favorite vest... now matched the hat he hated so much.

"Damn it, woman! You changed the wrong one!" yelled Marty. Marty then ate the Fashion Fairy.

The End.

How was that?
- Traegorn

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