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Hello, me - this is me. I'm back, so get used to living with me. | |
Posted Jan 31, 2004 - 6:01:50
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Tonite, I felt like myself for the first time in a very long time.
No, not for the first time since any break up or whatever - for longer than that.
For the first time since that glimmer of me I got back at Thanksgiving... and before that... I can't even remember when.
Drastic changes can teach you that something's missing - something beyond the obvious. Sometimes comfortable isn't right, and easy isn't the right answer. Sometimes it takes a wildfire to tell you the wind was blowing.
What I need to do right now is spend a good amount of time working on myself. Just me, on my own. While parts of my life were flourishing, there are some parts of my life where there hasn't been growth for a while - only stagnation. And I need to reseed these parts of me, and till their soil until I can move on to anything else.
Or, in other words, I'm going to be single for quite some time.
Tonite was the first OA meeting of the semester - and it was a very good time. We rewatched the Read or Die OAVs, and then a couple of episodes of the series. I love Read or Die, it's just so neat. But I ended up hanging out with Cheryl, Julia, and Thor until 5:30am or so. Steve, Ghaleon, and Anthony were there for most of the time for our late night conversations, but those three filtered out between 2:00am and 4:30am, so they get to be labeled 'quitters', and aren't as cool (*grin*). Also, much Amplitude was had. I currently have the DJ HMX/Plural song from the game going through my head. Woot.
It was a good night. Fun shows, fun games, fun conversations, fun people. All in all, this is what a Friday night in my life is supposed to be like. It's been a long time since I've just been able to go out and not have to worry about someone else's good time that night, or will I get interrupted by this, that and the other thing.
I think I've been pissing some people off lately, and I'm really trying not to. In fact, I'm really going out of my way to stay out of certain people's hair, but apparently that's just breeding disfamiliarity, as my intentions seem constantly misjudged and mispercieved. It's so f***ing frustrating. All I want is for everyone to be goddamned happy. That's it. But no, that would be too goddamned easy.
Other people's insecurities are so NOT my fault. I have my own boatload of them to deal with, thank you very much, I don't need to take on anymore right now.
I don't know, I'm far too tired and in a good mood to whine and bitch about other people's problems. I finally felt like I knew what I had to do to start healing wounds that are older than I can remember tonite. And, frankly, that's so incredibly liberating that you just have no idea.
Good night, good morning, and good luck.
- Traegorn
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