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The Year of Rebirth.
Posted Jan 2, 2004 - 4:56:56

I've been watching a lot of Aaron Sorkin over the last few days. Lots of old West Wing reruns, the entirety of Sports Night, and right now "The American President" plays on my DVD player.

I don't really know how that relates to anything at the moment, but it's really all I've been doing for the last few days, thus it's all I've done during the whole one day of 2004 we've had so far.

I look at where I was a year ago. Last year, I predicted that 2003 would be "The year of suck". I mean, heck -- dig back into the archive and you'll come up with this post. In that January 5th post, just a few days into the new year, I predicted that 2003 would be attrocious for me. I mean, it's easy to understand why I thought that. My almost-year long relationship with Heather was in mid-disolve, and would end just a few days later.

While the year wasn't a total downer, there is no doubt that it was a year of extremes. Yeah, on the downside there was the Heather-break-up fiasco (which was long term for the better, but an extremely dark short term emotional trip none the less), then there was everything with Sean and the eviction...

But there were good things too. While my relationship with Erin may have just fallen to pieces in a blinking instant almost a month ago, I can honestly say that it was an experience I wouldn't trade in for the world. Some of the happiest days in my life began while waking up next to her. For every moment of post-break-up depression I'm going through right now, it's been worth it.

And I got back into school. I got back into school, and am on my way to having a respectible GPA. Right now, it's a B level GPA. In a year, I hope to have an A. I may have my dream. It's a plausibility.

So, while 2003 may have seen some of my darkest days, it saw some of my brightest. Both 2002 and 2003 were years of transition for me. Years of development. Darkness and light aside, I am better for them.

So, like I did a year ago, I'm going to make a half-assed proclamation about 2004. I declare 2004 to be the year of rebirth. Both of my life and spirit. This is the year I find my footing. I found myself years ago - but I think it's finally time I finished "looking at my feet", and looked at the ground beneath them, looked at the earth that supports them.

I'm going to open my eyes, and look at where I'm standing.

Heart broken, and hidden as I am at the moment, I will rise from my self constructed shadow and stride forward towards my life. I may not be as dramatic as the mythic phoenix rising from the ashes, but damned if I'm not going to be as determined.

In my last entry, I lead off with the latin phrase "Servatis a Periculum, Servatis a Maleficum." It translates to "Save us from Danger, Save us from Evil." I claimed it lacked relevance at the time, but upon further reflection, it suits the mood I had at the time. I was really looking for something to save me - little did I know it would be me saving me from myself (if you can follow that).

I think that in this entry, I'll leave you with a latin phrase as well: "De Morte Transire Ad Vitam," which roughly translates to: "To Pass from Death To Life." What does this mean to me? To pass from darkness to light, to move from slumber to waking, or - more simply - to stand up when you've been sitting on your ass. I guess my message for today is that rebirth is such a simple transformation, as soon as you realize that it needs to be done.

"De Morte Transire Ad Vitam" indeed.
- Traegorn

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